Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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