Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
