I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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