he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I did not marry a roomba.
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