just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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