i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
