But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
