me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
