Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
