I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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