it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
