Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
