saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
