I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
