but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
