my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
