i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
