ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
