Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
