with your own penis?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
