He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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