Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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