Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
