Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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