i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
