yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
