haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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