i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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