i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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