So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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