There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
