Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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