my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she peed on how many people?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
