I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
