I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's shark week go big or go home
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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