no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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