I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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