I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
