She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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