ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
