i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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