So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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