I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
