Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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