And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
