I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
