We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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