I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
