Soap is not a condiment
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
