I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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